Seasons in a Riverside City

A windy day walk on my own, humming softly under my breath. The gusts blow my voice away and make it sound like it is coming from somewhere else, mixing with the percussion of the pampas grass which hisses like wire brushes on a drum. The clouds layered over the sun give the river a dull chrome sheen. Suddenly the sound of the opening song from The Lion King blasts across the water’s surface from the direction of the Triana bridge. “The Circle of Life”, except it’s in Spanish. As the sound grows stronger I see that it is coming from a little sail boat with a Jolly Roger flag flapping at the top of the mast, and a man in full pirate get-up at the rudder. “There’s a pirate ship!” some tourist yells behind me. Yes, obviously. But I find myself enjoying the familiar sound of English above the usual staccato chatter of Spanish background noise. “El ciclo sin fin” fades out of earshot and the pampas grass swishes in my ears again, along with the soft company of a quiet little song I hum into the breeze.

*

A spiderweb glistens in the sun and looks like diamonds strung on a fishing line. The sun sinking beyond the hills looks like a drop of burning red paint, spilled over the canvas and leaking out over the entire sky. We humans try to capture life in art and then use art to describe life, both in the attempt to express that immense Something that we feel. But both are really an attempt at the impossible, trying to bottle the immense beauty of the earth in a jar and make it manageable. Something inside my chest expands like a boiling pot, surging up through the throat with a force too big to ignore. Which is why I am running after the twilight sky with a butterfly net.

*

The boardwalk beside the river, which people stroll, cycle and jog along in droves during the morning and evening, is deserted. The midday air buzzes with stillness and it is the first time in weeks that I have been outdoors and not surrounded by people. I feel as though I am walking on another planet, and am wildly aware of every sensation. My hands and feet pulse with relentless pressure, and I think they look nearly double in size. A thumping begins to rise in my temples and I must slow my pace. When I return to the comparatively cool air of our apartment (thirty degrees), the throbbing in my extremities diminishes slowly and my muscles quiver as though I had just hiked a steep mountain. I feel exhausted but strangely alive, tingling with the surreal experience of walking through a baking hot ghost town. The extreme conditions have shaken me awake and captured my entire attention. Amazing, I whisper to myself. Amazing.

*

Will the leaves turn red? Will the long dry days turn cool and moist? Will we harvest any dreams sown earlier this year? Spanish roles so much easier off the tongue these days, though the accent here still renders the background noise a formless din. If we get in close and sharpen our ears to a conversation, words suddenly rise up like street signs in the fog, and we can usually make sense of them. Young people gather in clusters across the dry grass of the riverside park, cradling one-litre bottles of beer in their laps and playing music on their phones, sometimes on a guitar. Families still push strollers along the streets at 1AM and generations gather at little tables on open patios. The nights are still warm and I do not think the autumn chill will blow through these parts for a while yet. But as we near the year’s later months, I think of my goals in writing, yoga, Spanish, travel, and cultivating presence throughout these journeys… and I cannot say how I will feel about them all by the end of the year, but I have hope for the harvest.

Journeys

The first morning I woke up back in Sevilla I had to wait a few moments before I remembered where I was. The heat reminded me soon enough, and made me miss waking up in the cool Danish mornings beneath a nice big, proper blanket, and looking outside at the lush green countryside. Denmark happens to be experiencing one of its coolest summers in years, and we had several days of rain while we there. Although the Danes were longing for beach weather—and we enjoyed the few days that were actually sunny just as much as they did—the rain was very soothing for Rob, Anna and me, coming either from roasted southern Spain or drought-stricken BC.

Back in the dry heat of Sevilla (which is experiencing one of the hottest summers in years, incidentally), I reflected longingly but happily on our visit to Denmark. Whether it was raining or shining, I just loved being around trees again—big, leafy, happy green trees—and running water, the sighing ocean, open meadows and fields swaying in the breeze. Northern Zealand, as the area is called, is also an extremely idyllic part of the world, which is home to some of the most enchanting and adorable houses I’ve ever seen. Rob described it as stepping back in time, and it really does feel like that for someone coming from a young country like Canada or Australia, where castles and thatched roofs are few and far between. Denmark is also known for its modern architecture, and for the most part, even the simplest buildings there have style.

Sevilla’s charm is entirely different, but it is also fun to be back in this lively culture among all its al fresco dining and ornate architecture. I’m ready to get back into our Spanish experience and embrace our remaining time here. I still miss Canada and all my family and friends of course, but I’ve been away enough time to have gotten into the swing of things and not long for home so sharply. The intensity of the initial ache has been replaced by a sweet and gentle longing, almost enjoyable. I have experienced this feeling before, having lived in both Denmark and Mexico for nearly a year each time, and I know to savour it. I have never lived abroad before as long as I plan to this time, and I have no doubt there will be times when the ache for familiar faces and places becomes overwhelming. But right now I’m feeling at peace with my surroundings, and quite aware of the fact that our time here is likely to go by before we know it and we’ve got to take advantage of it. Spanish is a beautiful language, and this heat won’t last forever. Soon it will be fall, and then winter, and time to move on.

I have made no secret of that fact that the plan to live several years abroad frightens me. I see now that this fear caused me to resist being in Spain—as exciting and exotic a place as it is—given that it signifies the journey has begun. I had been looking forward to our trip to Germany and Denmark with an excitement I could hardly contain, particularly eager to be reunited with loved ones and walk familiar ground again. I am happy to discover that—now that it has happened—I do not feel simply let down that it is over, but rather strengthened and warmed, and happy to be here. The experience has helped me accept where I am, and to appreciate it on a deeper level. In fact, I’m totally in the mood to dig my hands into this lively, boiling hot city, and soak myself in its crazy Andalusian Spanish. ¡Viva, España!

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Cricket Lore

Insects know their purpose
So much so it can boggle the mind
How can you be so sure
Crickets
Their perfect summer song
waivers only in self-protection
Ants, spiders, yellow jackets
They act with a certainty
backed by eons of interacting
with the earth as one
Dragonfly, praying mantis
They do not try
To tame this green planet
Ladybugs.
Beetles.
What strange and beautiful names we give to insects.
June bug, silverfish, cockroach
Wasp     butterfly     no-see-um.
Poetry in motion.
Words as intricate as spiders’ webs,
sitting
on the page
like dew drops      suspended      in spider homes.
or
Those strings of silk that hang from the trees
in spring
With little caterpillars dangling at their ends,
ready to drop onto your clothes
unnoticed.
Three out of every four creatures on this earth are insects.
We spend much time
stamping on them
sweeping them out of corners
spraying ourselves with poisons
to keep them away
But they have the true reign over this planet.
Cicada
Grasshopper
Bumblebee.
Nature’s raw beauty and brutality.
Damsel flies, wood bugs
and
demodicids          those tiny bugs
that live in the roots of our eyelashes
so small
we could never notice them if we tried.

The muse may very well be a spider
Weaving words like
Threads
Sometimes close together
or     spread
far     apart
Sometimes exquisite
Magical as the dew that
Reflects the sun’s first light
Sometimes
A sticky mass of confusion
Ready to break apart
at the gentlest affront
Better luck next time

As summer marches proudly
Over the mountains
Into our gardens
The talk of the town
Mosquitoes birth themselves
In still water and hum towards
Campsites and family of deer.
Termite, tick, moth.
Grasshopper, lacewing, horse fly.
The warmth sends us
hurrying from our homes
like bees from smoke
moths toward the flame
Our pale winter hides
may be burned by hot May sun
but at last
with the summer breeze on our skin
the smell of salt and warm earth
cottonwood and blueberry
at last we begin to remember
who we are
and where we came from
listening to the crickets
singing their stories of creation
into the night

Written May 2014

Photo by Steven Bethune
Photo by Steven Bethune