Poetry

On People

~ teganb ~ 2 Comments

What love, friend,
in that glazed eye
that sees not?

Too worried, too busy
A tight band of distraction
wrapped around the head
A dark cloth encasing
your childhood dreams
your heart’s truest desires
covered in dust
Sadness or madness:
ache
indifference
or even cruelty
What a world
people say
A world of people
looking for themselves
looking for each other.

I know these traps
I know these deadweights
leaden myths and mental barbed wire
We are the same

But sometimes
Angst slips off me
like a heavy woollen coat
In my lightness I see
and the moon rises
within my breast
and into my eye
and reaches out—to yours.
Sometimes you shine back at me
full lunar brilliance
We are drunk like monkeys
at the sacred sour tree
on a hot summer night
Drunk on our own freedom
that was here all along.

But oh, my friend!
I am not so strong yet
that I can withstand
your thorns
your storms
your chills and quills
your suspicion…

How could you doubt
my good heart?

The same way
I suppose
that I doubt yours.

Flow

~ teganb ~ 2 Comments

The hills lie folded softly in the late afternoon glow
The sound of a bell in the distance vibrates
Unseen but felt in the depths of our living bodies
Our unique living bodies
that will not last forever
How to make peace with this fragility?
With the ever-changing flow of life?
Its rise and fall
The great mystery…

Half-light hush
The majesty of life
Whispering in every leaf and blade of grass
Shimmering off the wings of each evening insect
An awe and a wonder
and I just know
Timeless and eternal
Freedom and joy
I just know there is nothing to fear
Love is forever
The heart’s wisdom is to be trusted
The soul’s inspiration to guide us

But sometimes
Uniform grey
Unbroken loneliness
nothing but doubt
Leaden confusion
crushing grief and despair
The mind tries desperately to hold onto something
And clinging to flotsam it seeks to hush the storm by sheer will
looking to make it all okay…
but the storm will run its course

Thoughts forget they are thoughts
Thinking thinks it is reality
missing the wise presence of the heart
the only force that can calm the skies
and let the sun break through the clouds
or perhaps the cold but peaceful stillness of night
The cycle of light and darkness

Ever changing seasons
A thick bloom of lilac fits inside my hand
A loose fist around its plump petals
What a sweet and simple joy
Can I trust the blooming of love within?
The wonder and awe of my soul?
Yes, oh yes!
Something whispers ardently
And I am free
Then my mind tries to build an unsinkable
Ship out of this moment
Please can it be forever this time?
But I cannot hold onto it
It slips away again and again
I am subject to the peaks and to the valleys both
Each time either hoping or fearing it is here to stay
But when I know
I know
A knowledge beyond the mind that I cannot hold onto
But I can trust it when it’s alive in my breast
And flying free on the wings of my spirit
When I contract once more,
I must try to remember this freedom
Have patience
It will come again
Because it is always there

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Photo by Anna Bethune

Poems of Home

~ teganb ~ 6 Comments

I – Reunion

Real July breathes deeply
Dark green forests exhale
Tall majestic conifers
of the Northwest Coast
Growing exquisitely
Right down to the shore
Seagulls above
Big, grey white and brazen
Rich dark blue and soft wave soundwaves
Ocean stretches infinite
Calm as a lake cradled
between hot summer mountains
Colour and gleam
like the pearly lining of an empty mussel shell
like these blue fragments mixed
through the pebbles of the beach

It’s easy to love a sandy beach
The rocky shore requires a different kind of seeing
Sometimes you’re born with it
Sometimes it hits you one misty day
Clouds like dark poems shifting in the sky
sometimes it’s just    Home
The white barnacles keep you company
Each wave sighs a little song
before it slips back into the silver crested sea
Frosted with sunshine
The mountains across the strait painted
Delicate watercolour
They frame the horizon with hazy blue lines
Jagged   smooth   rising   falling

Full round clouds
Float just above the peaks
Besides them
The sky is clear
so clear sight sinks like a pebble
into the deepening hue
And gets lost
Lost in sweet blue space
until the honeyed summer sunshine
pulls us back out
by the corners of our eyes

A soft breeze
The salty smell of the sea
Wise and wild geese in Vs
who know where to go
Every stone sits perfectly
Home in time
For this perfect moment
Brought to me by the scent of hot seaweed
and the flash of glass green
just before the breaking waves bow forward
into frothy white
Dry cedars and firs behind me
And drops of sunshine
On my toes

II – Distracted

Hoary grey rock strong beside me
Mother Earth whispers on the breeze
at last I stop to listen
She sees how weary I am feeling
hugs me ever so gently
brushing my temples with her soft summer breath
Let go my dearest
She invites me to slip out of my heavy thoughts
into the light freedom of her perfect day
Her nurturing sunshine
late afternoon softness
Bright green leaves full of life
Feather touch of the zephyr upon my brow
Nectar gleam to the light

I want to
I think I don’t know how
My chest feels tight and heavy
Who am I anyway
Can I dare trust that
I belong
She stays with me anyway
Makes the leaves sashay and twirl
I am tired but I am not a lost cause
I know I can find my way home

III – Reverence

On the beach and the evening Sun
Mm
Exquisite rolling wave
Crash
Because of the wind
But here      just here
It blows lightly
So blessed
I am
Kissed by the rich low rays
Here
Well
An ease within
this place
That holds me

The crashing seashell song
surprises me
Tucked away in the trees
I could not tell
Reed grass ripples
Fly away leaves
Dry seaweed
Strands of hair dancing about
ticklish
dark waves     dark water
Blue mountains     blue sea
Infinite skies     Blue    blue    blue
And the ocean too
Beloved blue earth

And beloved the green beneath that cold surface sheen
The path of hot white to the late afternoon sun
Feet at the end of lazy legs crossed one over the other
Did they ever look so right?

So right
White veils atop the swells
Blown over by hearty gusts
Hazy golden dream air
Hugging me so close
Something has bitten my ankle
It itches ferociously
My joy    gentle joy
Laughs with delight

Like the fire in the sky that warms us
Seaweed-spangled rocks and
sand fleas and crabs
awaiting high tide……….
Is there anything like a crab?
Water   air   soft   hard
We used to catch them and turn them over
to see if they were girls or boy
Underbellies with ridges like ripples in the sand
At low tide

Yellow flowing spark evening
Hot glow of it in my eyes
Close them. Feel it.
The shapes that dance in that
substanceless red
While wrapped in the blue coast air

Sea mountain sentinels
Sacred watch
Sky and earth
Family of treasure
Where does this come from,
This enthusiasmus
Specks of glitter in a big black round stone
A flicker of something good
Fairy dust from the days of open magic
no doubt
and right here and now
Glittering with Quality
in the brown algae pockets
and the mineral flecks
alike

This is my homage
so that I might not be driven mad
with love
Crash    swish     sigh
Shimmer    burn     glow
Whisper soft breeze and salt
Water spray
Let us love together

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Southern Sky

~ teganb ~ 1 Comment

I’m trying to listen
I’m trying to listen to the whispers beyond words
To sounds beneath sounds
I’m thinking hard
Sometimes not thinking
And doing that hard too
Concentrating so hard on that silence
Before the next thought comes in
Listening to the listener

I’m trying to see the colours beneath the sunset
To dig even deeper for nutrients that might feed my heart
Which sometimes blooms like the sun behind the clouds
Just before sundown
It blossoms and billows
Like a nebula
Like the shanks of a volcano shrouding the lava
Like sheafs of ash enveloping a coal
Like a flower
A lotus of course
Then again perhaps honeysuckle
Sweet sweet delicious
More intimate than a rose
The scent of heaven surely
The soft tendrils of pink and white and yellow
Sometimes my heart blooms like this
And I trust

Today I will not talk about the shrinking cold and dark
The anguish of tightness and restriction
A poor anemone poked at lowtide
Children and their sticks
Maybe
Or maybe not

The clouds are just so this evening
The petals around the heart of the flower
Unfurling across the sky in the softest colours
The sweetest cirrus formations
I cannot will not tear my eyes away
It’s a nectar I’ve been needing
Enough
It’s enough
So am I
Beneath this rippling sky
A drink of relief
A drink of eternity in a flower

I had plans to be productive
Waylaid I was by the sunset sky
Yes please and thank you
Hold me to you
Water my heart so it may flourish
Like your cloudy petals against infinite blue sky
Like a summer’s day
Even in the coldest winter
Warmth within

I’m not trying so hard beneath this sky
Effortless listening
A song beneath
a song

March of the Sugar Ants

~ teganb ~ 2 Comments

Seeing the ants march
Four by four
Twelve by twelve
An army
A river
A stream of chocolate
Melting in the sun
It can make you pause

Pause like a warm breeze
Ruffling the pages of a book
Look up
Look down
A moment
A sacred moment
Nothing but the patter of leaves in the breeze
and a river of chocolate brown ants

Ants melt into estuaries
Into raging seas
The pavement turns brown
Heaving leaves
The waves swallow us up
A turbid cloud enshrouds our eyes
A flickering moment
A dream?
Neat concrete lines
Neat ant armies
Neat piles of brown leaves
Back in place

The deep sea within
Rages up
Rages down
Outside the leaves
Are turning brown
The colour of every paint
Blended carelessly on the palette
Toothless urges for change
The wind will take them
Where they must go

Shadows lengthen
New and unknown shapes
Heads of many faces
Worry settles in
My constant companion
Cinches the space
Between my brows
As if frowning
Will change anything
As if a tight jaw and a distracted mind
Ever made the world a better place

The leaves smell sweet and dry
Crunch on the sidewalk
The ants go marching
Through the cracks
And up garden walls
With purpose
Such enviable purpose

I kick leaves up
I kick leaves down
So many situations
That I can do nothing about
The ants are marching
The leaves are brittle husks
White is the sky
Sweet blue just out of sight
Masked by a veil of ivory cloud

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Witch in the Closet

~ teganb ~ 4 Comments

I’m a witch in the closet
I’ve forgotten where I hid my broom
Years ago
When they told me
Grow up

I’m a fairy at heart
Years ago I placed my wings
Inside a secret box and buried it
In the soft earthy belly of a thick green forest
Sometimes I forget
But I feel something is missing

One time I danced under the moonlight
I twirled and I sang
I laughed with the sheep in the field beside me
I nearly flew off the hilltop
And soared with the owls
Nearly

Sometimes I feel my pen is about to burst
Burst open with a thousand tales of my lost home
A thousand shimmering threads of every colour
To save me
To save us all
But ink is so thick and sticky

I’m a dreamer on the run
Searching for something
Just out of sight, just out of reach
Around one of these corners
It will all make sense

Around one of these corners
An ethereal bloom of light and flight
Another world
Fantastical creatures
A world protected by our vigil
By our glowing hands
From which sparks fly
Making magic

If I could write a thousand poems
If I could weave the lace for a thousand domes
If I could string them with drops of dew
If I could mold a ship for me and you
If I could set it asail among the stars
If I could reclaim what once was ours
Would you trust me and fly away?

Would I?

Let us make friends with our minds
With our hearts
Let us trust
So we may fly away at dusk

Silver sweet moonlight cold
And glistening
Please give me a potion for this moonsickness
So we may fly away at dusk
Back home

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Love Poems for Fools

~ teganb ~ 7 Comments

“I must learn to love the fool in me–the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of my human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my Fool.”

― Theodore Isaac Rubin


Love Poem I

I love your big heart
your gentleness
your imagination and resourcefulness
your earth-loving awe
your perennial hope
I love you as you are

I love your anxiety
your inertia
your subtle and wily self-sabotage
your repetitive, neurotic thoughts
your helpless rage
I love you as you are

I love you when you’re laughing
when you’re moved to tears
when you can’t let go
I love you when you ache
for the sunset
for the forest
for the perfection of moonlight
sliding across the ocean all the way
to the foot of the mountains
across the strait

I love you when you’re crying
so hard you can’t breathe
when you’re screaming silently to yourself
you can’t take it anymore
and you wonder if you’ll feel good
ever again
I love you in the stillness of candlelight
when you’re curled up in the quilts
breathing softly
watching the world in the hush of the wee hours
in the incredible calm after the storm
when for a moment
your mind is still

I love you when you just can’t wait
late night surges of energy
baking cake at midnight
I love you when you crash
when you wipe flour off counters
in a daze
waiting for your ill-timed project
to bake

I love you when your heart fills up
like bright green moss after a summer rain
so warm and full
that you know
everything will be all right
and always was

I love you when  your heart breaks
when it shrinks in fear and pain
dreading that you have been forgotten
abandoned
fearing nothing will be all right
and maybe never was

I love the way you fall
I love the way you get up again
I love your soaring highs
and plummeting depths
I love your light and I love your darkness
because I am love

I am love
I am not subject to your rules
you may play small
but I never do
and I love
I love you
I love you
Just as you are


Love Poem II

Your heart loves so much
Even you cannot doubt it
With no bounds trust it


Love Poem III

Sunshine melts the snow atop the balcony table
Imperfections in the window pane shimmer in the light
The glass is melting too
Over a million years

Change flows like a river
A stone stuck in the middle thinks it’s going nowhere
As the water shaves shards of rock off
Every moment of every day
Until a smooth hole in the centre
Lets the water flow through
Until the stone has travelled
A million miles
As a million grains of sand

A hot stream of water
Steams up the bathroom mirror
Turns my skin pink
Makes me feel safe
As my skin cells shed and regenerate
As blood pumps vigourously to the tips of my fingers and toes
As water molecules change state
Float up to the ceiling
Run down the drain

One day we go back to the sea
We’re puddles and lakes
Streams and rivers
Trillions of water molecules walking around
Our home rocks us all up and down
On the waves
Never forgetting us
Never losing us
Only changing shape

I’m the foam atop the winter waves
I’m the dancing feet of the old man on his birthday
I’m the fog hugging the city and the forest alike
I’m the soggy cardboard soaked in the recent rain
I’m the sparrow stamping fresh tracks in the snow
I’m the smile catching the salty teardrop in the corner of my mouth

I am life
I am love
With no bounds
Trust me

El Retiro, Madrid

Some

~ teganb ~ 4 Comments

Where to go from here
The moon was a Cheshire Cat’s grin
And then some
The stars were dancing very wildly
A little too intensely if you wanted to sit quietly
Help me
Achy achy heart taking up too much space
Lungs pressed in-between the slots of the ribs
Night’s cloak rippling at the edges
And descending silently upon the day
The blue luminescence of twilight receding
Gently underground until dawn
Dusk reigns
Silver Cheshire Cat teeth
Gleaming
Heart banging and trying to get out
Trying to fly and sparkle like the whirling stars
Velvety tree limbs reach towards the blanket of sky
Stark against the last of the day’s light
Soon they will disappear beneath Night’s billowing cape
Slip away
Help me run across this open field
And find freedom
Stuck behind a smile
I want freedom
The silver scythe blade moon
And winking stars
All so enticing
And then some
Set me free
Beneath the wild dance of the night.

Written February 2013

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Gibaja, Spain, 2015

Hogar Crepuscular

~ teganb ~ 2 Comments

(English translation follows)

El río brilla
con los últimos rastros
de la luz del día.

La gente corre y camina por la ribera
grita y se ríe
anda en bici y llama a sus perros.

El aire está cálido y suave contra la piel,
turbio como el agua del río
con tinta de rosa en el oeste.

El sol duerme ya
una astilla de la luna
se ha levantado sigilosamente en su lugar
mientras los pájaros buscan refugio en los árboles
nada más que siluetas negras contra el cielo.

Este no es mi hogar
pero a la vez
sí lo es, y más ahora que nunca.

Cuando el día se rinde
tierno y digno
a la noche

y los dos pasan un momento unidos
crean otro mundo en el cual no hay países ni diferencias
y todos somos de la misma familia
compartiendo la respiración del crepúsculo.

¿Quién soy yo y quién eres tú
cuando la tierra se pone tan misteriosa
entre la luz y la oscuridad
si no los hijos e hijas de este planeta verde y azul?

Crecí muy lejos de aquí
pero reconozco mi hogar
en el crepúsculo.

Aun el reloj deja de contar
y el mundo se revela a ser mucho más
que las divisiones que creamos durante el día

en este momento
antes de que caiga la noche voluble
estamos todos juntos
en casa.

***

Home at Dusk

The river shines
with the last traces
of the day’s light.

The people run and walk on the riverbank
yell and laugh
ride their bicycles and call their dogs.

The air is warm and soft against the skin
turbid like the river water
dyed pink in the west.

The sun sleeps already
a sliver of the moon
has risen silently in its place
as the birds search for refuge in the trees
nothing more than black silhouettes against the sky.

This is not my home
but at the same time
it is, and more now than ever.

When the day surrenders
tender and dignified
to the night

and the two share a moment united
they create another world in which there are no countries or differences
and we are all the same family
sharing twilight’s breath.

Who am I and who are you
when the earth turns so mysterious
between light and darkness
if not the sons and daughters of this green and blue planet?

I grew up far away from here
but I recognize my home
at dusk.

Even the clock stops counting
and the world reveals itself to be much more
than the divisions we create during the day

in this moment
before the fall of capricious night
we are all together
at home.

Evening Ballet Class Through a Window

~ teganb ~ Leave a comment

Pink and light as flamingo feathers
Floating on the hot air current
Above the creamy white radiator
Along the wall where they wait

One at a time
Little slippered feet
Soft leather soles
Across the worn hardwood floor
Little arms clad in white
Reaching skyward

Beyond the window panes
Night begins to press against the glass
Cool air a twilight blue

Pink tulle fluttering up and down
Smooth faces but gleaming eyes
One at a time
A tall teacher in black and blue
Gliding to and fro

Breath like a puff of smoke
In the night air
Fogs the window
A blur of soft pastels

Starlight begins to speckle
The cobble stone street
Until the droplets run into pools
Of warm yellow light
Cast from the studio lamps within

The hallway door opens
Mothers collecting their daughters
Young and yet unguarded
Coats over leotards
Home to dinner

Night has fallen
The evening walker strides
Through the street
Pebbles crunching
Boots and stone
The yellow studio
Shrinking behind
As the stars swell above
Home to dinner