The end of this week draws nearer. Tomorrow morning at 7:30 I will be teaching my first official class. I have written out a sequence on some flash cards, with a number of optional sequences penciled in, given the very good chance I will speed through my planned poses in an anxious whirl, and be left wondering what to say next in order to fill the 75 allotted minutes. Of course, it all has to flow nicely as well, and include all the necessary elements (warm-up, standing postures, backbends, etc) in the right quantities. It feels a bit like baking a cake at this point, and I am worried that if I stir too much or too little the whole thing will flop. Hopefully it is more like making pasta or stir-fry or something, and a little extra dash of this or that will not ruin the overall taste.
The weather has been beautiful for most of this week. Warm enough, in fact, to entice me and one of my new friends to hop in the outdoor pool—a short but very (very!) refreshing dip. A couple of days ago, on the day we passed the halfway mark of this course, the sun beamed down like a midsummer’s day on the BC coast. It was also the only day off from classes we get during this course, and I had a fantastic time; Robin rode the bus to a neighbouring village, where I met him on foot. We spent the day eating and wandering, walking over the hill back to the yoga compound, passing through some lovely old ruins on the way, and enjoying the beginnings of a beautiful sunset spilling out over the hills before he had to leave and catch the last bus home. I sat a while after he left, holding the warmth of the day close to my heart as the air quickly cooled, before settling into the knowledge that there are no more days off and we students are beginning the last and steepest incline before getting through this course.
I woke several times that night, thinking it must be time to get up. Otherwise I slept lightly, lost in restless dreams that I was teaching my class—or trying to—as the head teacher constantly interrupted me to give me feedback. The next morning the hills were covered in mist. The air was quiet and thick, and added to the feeling of being very much back-to-the-grind. Today, however, the mist has been blown away by a rambunctious wind that whips all the laundry drying on the line into a big clump at one end, and makes the doors and windows bang. I hear the temperature will drop this evening. And tomorrow morning, just after the chilly dawn, I will be one of the first students to teach. I am happy enough to get straight to it (and get it over with). We have reached that stage where no more lectures, reading, note-taking or demo watching can make us become better teachers; we will just have to start out as the shaky, fledgling instructors we are, with the aim to just get through as gracefully as we can, because it is the only way. I think we have a painful habit in the west of wanting to be perfect at everything before we do it, which is madness. We often feel embarrassed at not doing something well, even when we have only just started. Why should there be shame in learning something new? If only we could embrace being beginners; there is a kind of magic in that space I think, if only we would allow ourselves to see it—we are creating, we are leaping, we are living.
Hopefully such thoughts will stay with me as I begin my class tomorrow morning… and at the end of it too, when everyone will go round and critique my performance (including the teachers). At this point I feel so tired that I am more worried about my intensely aching shoulders picking tomorrow morning to give out on me. We are certainly building stamina here, of different kinds.
Goodnight and sweet dreams all,
whenever your night may fall.
And good luck with any and all
beginner’s wobbles and falls.


purpose has changed) on top of a wide, sweeping hill in southern Spain. Several towns are visible beyond the red and green swathes of crops and fields, and it is about an hour and a half from Sevilla. The view is incredible in every direction.
